WOMANSPEAK TO MANSPEAK TRANSLATION GUIDE

What she says = What she means

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = You do and you're dead meat, Pal!

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

We need = I want

That's Ok = You can do better than that

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

 

 

TWO NEW ELEMENTS FOR THE PERIODIC CHART

New Element: WOMEN

Symbol: Wo

Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less, usually more)

Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Ages rapidly.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

 

New Element: MAN

Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: 180+/-100

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young fresh samples.

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for prolonged period of time. Pretty basic. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.